Let go and Let God...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

I'm reading a book called "Empty Arms" by Pam Vredevelt. It's hard to read because the first chapter is like reliving everything I went through last week. But the rest of the chapters have helped me undestand a lot about what happened and how to deal with what happened. The greatest comfort I can have it to turn to Christ. A friend gave me this book yesterday and although it may be difficult to read at times, it is comforting to read how other women dealt with their loss. It helps me by that I know I'm not going crazy when I all of sudden burst into tears for no reason and how I feel like eating all of time and just stuffing myself because I hurt so bad. It talks about how I can try to control this and how eating too many unhealthy things just makes my body feel worse. It also talks about how your husband may be dealing with the loss of your child and how you can help each other get through this.

I came across the above verse in the book and it gave me great comfort. May God use this experience in my life so that He may be glorified and so that I may bless others that may have also experienced loss.

My heart is broken..

I will miss you forever little one...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUZkjbYaKPA

In ALL things God works for the good in those who love Him...

It has been a rough couple of days. I'm still in shock from it all. I don't even know where to begin to write... On Monday I went in for a 13 week checkup...expecting it to be routine. I met with the doctor and we discussed any questions I had and then talked how since I am going on vacation in two weeks that the next appointment we would schedule the ultrasound to see what we were having - a boy/girl. Then she used the doplar thing and couldn't get a heartbeat. This didn't surprise me since I've had this before with my other pregnancies. So we went to the ultrasound room to check again. They did a belly exam and still no heartbeat. Then I started crying and getting really nervous. They did a vaginal exam and it was clear - no heartbeat. I was shocked, shaking, alone... Joe stayed home with the boys since we figured it was just a routine appointment. I called Joe and had to discuss with him about meeting with a doctor for a D&C...it is still all a blur. I walked out of the office and cried the whole way home. How could this happen...when at 8 weeks I had a perfectly normal ultrasound and the baby seemed fine. The ultrasound tech this time said it did show that there was something abnormal with the baby.
The past couple of days have been quite emotional for me and Joe. It's hard to sleep knowing my little one is still inside me and I still feel pregnant and have no symptoms of a miscarriage. This afternoon we meet with the doctor who will be doing the D&C. I am going to ask for another ultrasound just because I don't feel any different and just want to check and make sure. We've read that there have been stories where the doctor made a mistake or for some reason the ultrasound machine didn't pick up the heartbeat. I am not expecting this to happen with me, unless God performs a miracle. Tomorrow I will be scheduled for a D&C.
It is hard to understand why this has happened. I am very thankful for friends & family who have called, emailed, etc. It is a great comfort knowing we are being prayed for. A friend emailed me this text today and it is the only way I will ever find peace or comfort in this situation: "And we know that in all things God works for the good in those who love Him." Romans 8:28

Please keep us in your prayers as we mourn our little one. Thankfully I can know that he/she is in heaven with our Lord and Savior. What better place could they be than rejoicing with our Lord.